Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I have lots of questions.....who has the answers?

Every morning, it seems, when I wake up and try to spend some quiet time with my Lord, my mind goes through a litany of questions.  The same, endless questions day after day.  Questions to which I am not sure there are any concrete answers or if there are I don't know where to find them.

  • Am I doing the right thing by Mom, choosing to keep her here with us? There are those that think Mom would be more secure and content if she were in a more stable environment. There are those that think the best place for anyone is with the people that love them.  There are those who are more concerned with the affect on the caregiver that what is the best for Mom.  How do I know the right answer?
  • What can I do this day to make Mom more content?  It always seems to depend on the day.  Most days Mom wakes up ready to take on the world but some days she doesn't want to get up at all.  Every day, lately she sleeps more and more.  Is this just a normal part of aging or is it a sign of depression?  How do I know?
  • What can I do this day to nurture myself so that I have more patience with Mom's unceasing questions?  All of our conversations, it seems, consist of Mom asking the same questions and me repeating the same answers for hours upon hours.  I try to think of things to talk with her about that might interest her but I don't know what to say.  Yesterday I read a story from one of my blogs with her and she seemed to enjoy that.
  • How will I feel when Mom is gone?  Will I mourn?  Will I rejoice?  Will I feel lost or will I revel in new found freedom?  Will I have peace knowing that I did the best I could with her each and every day or will I have guilt for the times I lose my patience with her?  Who knows?
  • Do we do enough to help Roz and Ron out with Mom Klik or do they feel over burdened by caring for her?  It is not exactly the same because Mom Klik has all her faculties, is still able to drive and be left home alone but it is still not easy having someone else living in your house.  There is no sense of privacy.  You can't speak openly or honestly.  You can't walk around naked or fart or burp without feeling rude and awkward.  We have offered to have Mom Klik move in here with us.  Would that be a good choice for all concerned?  Who knows?
I know, that for all these questions, God has the answers but I am either not allowing myself to hear them or, like Mom, I just keep repeating myself regardless of what God is saying to me.

And that leads me to one final question.....How do I quiet my heart and my soul to hear His word and to do His deed?  Who Knows??

Linking up with List it Tuesday.  Maybe we will find some answers there.


  1. Oh Wow! These are the same questions I ask myself everyday and no one is answering me either. I beg God for answers before I lose it and do something I am sorry about forever. Care-giving is the hardest job in the world. And it is different for every person. Richard doesn't ask me the same questions over and over and over! But he coughs. Over and over and over! Continually until I am ready to go stark raving mad. Some would say that has already happened. I wonder too if I am doing the right thing. It is so easy for those who are on the outside looking in to offer their advice. As for the sleeping more and more (does she take an anti-depressant?) that is what old people do. They sleep. I was so worried about Richard sleeping all the time that we put him on an anti-depressant and now I wish he would sleep all the time. Who is the best one to take care of? Our loved one? Or ourselves? I don't know the answer. I am searching for it too.....

    1. Maybe we will find the answer together Paula. I know that I am very happy to have found you and Lisa to share this journey with. Mom is not on any meds at all. I do have a prescription for anxiety that I send with her when she stays with others but they have found that it doesn't help any more than a glass of wine does.

  2. Kindred spirits, we three! Same over here - same, same, same. I worry also if I am doing right by mom. I worry about her health. I worry about my patience on days like today when she is so fixated on one thing that I want to scream. I will say that my mom is on an anti-anxiety med that can make her scary sleepy if she is the least bit dehydrated. I am the Fluid Intake Cheerleader and Inspirational Drink Motivator (those are my official titles!) If she has less than 32 oz of water in a day - we go to a very scary place. I use Gatorade and Pedialite and Sprite and juice too. I so wish mom would have a glass of wine...she used to sing at the top of her lungs when she drank wine. Now she says it tastes sour...too bad.
    At the risk of being irreverent - I turn to a line from the movie "Rudy" when I can't hear God. The priest says "Prayers are something we say in our time. The answers come in God's time." It reminds me to be faithful. Stay strong.

    1. Thanks Lisa, For the quote from Rudy and also for sharing your days with us and cheering us on as we face our days. I am happy God put us together.


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