and it may be the last day that Mom lives here, with me, in this house.
I have not been able to sleep all night.
I wonder when will be the next time that I will be able to sleep peacefully.
I spent the night in prayer, asking God for some assurance that this decision I am making is the right one.
I keep reminding myself that it is not written in stone, that if it doesn't work out, I can always bring Mom back home.
I have been playing in my mind all night different scenarios of how this might go if we drop Mom off at the memory care center tonight.
I have been going over the things I need to do to get her moved in.
- Move Furniture
- Clean out Drawers
- Make sure all her laundry is done
- Remember her special coffee cup and wine glass
- Pick up toothpaste, wine and gossip magazines
- Sit down with the new caregivers and go over all mom's likes, dislikes and quirks
- Go to Beauty Parlor and set up standing appointments, advise caregivers of appts and schedule Mom's showers each week.
I know that I am forgetting stuff.
I tell myself I am only 10 minutes away and will be there every day so it doesn't matter if I am forgetting stuff.
I wonder how I should react if Mom gets upset that we are leaving her.
I wonder how I will feel if she isn't upset.
I wonder if my Pops is looking down with understanding.
Or is that disappointment I would see on his face??
I hope that this is the right decision.
and then it all goes through my mind again...over and over and over....until finally I got up and gave up on trying to sleep....turned to my computer and writing to calm my mind, my fears, my worries.
Not a very happy list today but a list none the less that I will share at List it Tuesday.