I am Freaking Out this Friday

I blinked my eyes and my life changed overnight.  Last week I was going along with everything the same as it has always been and today everything is up in the air and subject to change.

I have gotten to the point in my care giving journey where I need even more respite than I am currently getting.  It is no longer enough for me to have a caregiver for 6 hrs each day and for Mom to be gone a few days each month.  I am tired, impatient and resentful.  Mom no longer recognizes any home as where she lives and goes on for hours each and every day about how she needs to "get home" before "they" worry about her.  She no longer wants to go out anywhere and sleeps more hours each day then she is awake which prevents me from being able to leave the house at all.

Several months ago I started investigating different options that we had available to us.  The first residential home I checked out was called East Harbor and is part of the Presbyterian Villages.  It was a wonderful place....clean, well staffed, the residents all appeared bright and animated, there are resident pets on site, there is an enclosed courtyard where residents are able to go outside should they want, there are activities scheduled throughout the day, the rooms are private and furnished by the residents and their families....pricing starts at $5200 per month.  Needless to say that price tag was a big concern.

Since then I have been to four other facilities in the area, one was nice, one was okay and one was a no go....they range in price from $4500-$3700.  The problem is every time I walk into a facility, I end up comparing it to East Harbor....and there is no comparison.

I have decided to take Mom in for an evaluation to see what level of care would be needed for her and be told what the exact cost would be for Mom to live there.  In the meanwhile we need to contact VA and find what benefits, if any, Mom might be entitled to from Dad's stint in the Army. We also need to look at what she currently has coming in each year and what we have in savings and investments.  I also need to get her most recent medical records and have her doctor complete some paperwork.  After all of this is complete we will be having a family meeting and making a decision.

I am not lying to myself and saying that Mom will be better off but I am being honest with myself and recognizing that I am no longer able to be the care giver that Mom deserves.  I am ready to go back to being her daughter again.

On a different front, I went to the doctor about this swollen lymph node in my neck.  She did a blood draw immediately and let me know that there is no infection....this sounds like good news...but it is not.  That means that there is no easy answer as to why my lymph nodes are enlarged so now I am scheduled for a CAT scan on Tuesday and will have to wait at least 4 days after that for the results.

Stress makes me sleepy and I am sitting here fighting to keep my eyes open so I think I will leave Mom in Frank's care and crawl into bed with my book for awhile.